Thursday, December 27, 2007

Not an upbeat entry...

Chris had to return to work the day after Christmas. He is now in Ohio. I wasn't ready for him to leave but life must resume as usual I suppose.

(Look away if you have a weak tummy before you read further.)

On Christmas morning I woke up and noticed that there is a lump, or knot, on my throat. It's not IN my esophagus but it feels like it's deep inside my throat. It's about the size of a jelly bean and it doesn't move around. It is tender but not terribly painful to the touch. I admit that it has me alarmed but I'm trying my best not to panic, though I do at times.

I had noticed a couple days prior that I felt some tenderness just under my jawbone, right side. And there was a bit of a different odor coming from my throat. It didn't worry me because I have had a cold the past couple weeks and I just figured all the coughing caused the tenderness, or maybe I developed a mild infection. After two days the odor went away. All seemed fine, and now this lump appears.

I know that I am not a doctor and I shouldn't be guessing and self medicating, but I have started taking penicillin in case it is infection. If I don't notice any changes or improvements by the end of the month I will call the doctor. I promise. If it does seem to clear up I will still discuss it with my doctor. I'm scheduled to see her Jan. 15th for my thyroid check-up anyway.

Nevertheless, if you wouldn't mind saying a prayer for me it would be MUCH appreciated beyond words. Pray that it's nothing serious and pray for calm nerves as I haven't slept since Christmas morning. I am constantly feeling of my neck, hoping the lump was just a dream. Night time is the hardest since I already have insomnia. I just sit up all night trying to think of ways to stop thinking about it, and hoping and praying that the penicillin is all I need. I did read that a lot of lumps are caused by stress or anxiety. It is highly possible that could be the case for me. I do stress quite a bit being here, being mom and dad. Hoping that I'm doing everything right by the boys, praying Chris stays safe out there in those strange places he's never been to before. Praying that he stays awake at the wheel when he's worked a 16 hour shift and then drives another8 hours to the next state and job site. Praying that we don't get any traumatic weather here and that the good Lord watches over us and the house, etc.

And... I really don't know why I'm even blogging about this except I thought maybe it would help me feel better to get it out there. I don't have Chris here to talk to and I don't want to worry the boys. I just need to stay focused and stay positive. Easier said than done!

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